10 Ways To Tell Your Altar Call Has Gone Too Long

As all know, our attention spans are getting shorter, due to the quick-cut editing techniques pioneered by MTV, increased workflow expectations made available by digital technology, and--OK, OK, I'll get to the point already.

Here's a little something I came up with the other day. Feel free to share with your pastor. He may not thank you, but your fellow congregants--OK!! HERE:


10 Ways To Tell Your Altar Call Has Gone Too Long

You realize you never knew "Just As I Am" had more than 10 verses.

The choir director orders a pizza.

People are claiming to have been "slain in the Spirit" just to have an excuse to lie down...and you're in a Baptist church!

The musicians start doing a James Brown-style breakdown of "I Surrender All."

Members start adding lyrics to the songs, such as singing "Take My Life...Please!"

The words to "I Have Decided to Follow Jesus" remind you to check your Twitter account.

You consider yelling "Fire!" just to make sure people are still able to move their limbs.

The sound man's usual stoic expression begins to resemble that of a Titans fan toward the end of the Bears game.

The wedding party booked for the following Saturday shows up to decorate the church.

You begin to suspect that your 24-hour antiperspirant may not hold out through the closing prayer.