Monday, January 22, 2007

The Hummer = The Mullet

Someone has to say it (OK, I have to say it): the Hummer is the modern-day automotive equivalent to the mullet.


One is a grotesque novelty hairstyle that even in its day was only considered cool by people who were obviously going to great lengths to be considered cool. And often failing. Substitute “vehicle” for “hairstyle” above.

For every person that has had to stifle an exclamation of admiration upon seeing said hairstyle/vehicle, there are at least 3 who have had to stifle a giggle.

People who wore mullets were trying to express rebellion…by following a trend. People who drive Hummers…I don’t know why people drive Hummers, but I suspect they think they’re expressing unity with our soldiers, most of whom wouldn’t have to be driving military Hummers abroad if so many people weren’t wasting gas driving suburbanized Hummers at home.

The words have a lot in common, spelling-wise: consonant, “u”, double consonant, “e”, consonant.

Billy Ray Cyrus has tried to turn all the mullet jokes into an opportunity by poking fun at it in a song: “I Want My Mullet Back.” Wonder how long it will take today’s Hummer drivers to ask themselves “What was I thinking?” I know I’m already wondering that about them myself. Only I have a feeling they're going to be singing something more along the lines of "I Want the Incredible Amount of Money I Wasted On Gas Back."

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