Gee, thanks, Arbitron!

Ever get a phone call from someone you don't know asking you for information to help them in their business, with the sole apparent benefit to you being the chance to offer your opinion...and the vaguest of possible other benefits being an immeasurably small improvement in the entertainment sphere of society? Me, too.

In my case, it was Arbitron, the company that compiles ratings for radio stations so they can justify the rates they charge for advertising. They publish a book of very specific numbers based on sampling surveys--surveys which can yield very shaky estimates at best. But you have to have numbers when you're spending money, and without the money, radio could not exist as we know it. Never mind whether that's a good thing or not.

What I found amusing is that, after about three calls from Arbitron in which they asked me to take part in their survey and I politely declined (just didn't feel like it this time, OK?), they apparently got the message. But in the meantime, they employed another clever persuasive technique--a clever combination of bribery and guilt.

Two dollars. Cash. With a nice note thanking me for my time and assuring me how important my opinion is to radio stations. You know, the stations that stopped taking requests a few years ago, because they'd rather depend on consultants and market research than say, the station employees or the actual people who take the trouble to call or email their feedback?

OK, that's an overstatement of my skepticism toward the good folks at Arbitron. And I'm not just saying that because of the gift.

But two dollars. They probably did the research and found that two dollars is just enough for most people to say "hey, cool, two dollars--maybe I'll give those nice folks a chance and take their poll if they call again--I'd feel guilty otherwise"...but not enough to break the company if that person says "hey, cool, two dollars--suckers!" And of course the "conquer them with kindness" note is intended to clinch the deal.

It's not often you get paid back for the time telemarketers and the like take from you by calling you at home to ask you questions you don't care to answer or make offers in which you have no interest. So I give Arbitron credit for a clever approach. And I wish them better luck with the next person. Suckers.

Keep mom away from the invitations

There's something about seeing her children getting ready to be married that brings out the protective instinct in a mother. Engaged couples beware. Not that MY mother would ever do this...don't you be talkin' 'bout my mama! (Really, don't; it won't go well for you).

Little did I know...

How's this for "things that make you go 'hmmmm'" (that's an Arsenio Hall reference from the early 90's, y'all): In 1999, I was still in Chattanooga, working for a fulfillment company whose main client was the media ministry of my church, filling orders for tapes, etc. by my pastor Wayne Barber, then at Woodland Park Baptist Church. I went with the boss, Wayne (pictured, left) and friend and co-worker Jennifer Ould (middle) to the National Religious Broadcasters convention, at the Opryland Hotel in Nashville that year.

Hang on, the "hmmmm" is coming.

I was mostly a tourist at the convention, took a few pictures here and there, including this one (missed a potentially great shot of Tammy Faye Baker walking around with a camera crew).

This week, I was going through my photo album (the non-computerized kind; remember paper prints?) and scanning pics for a Facebook group of friends from those days, when I realized know the man Wayne is talking to, though I didn't know him then.

Larry Warren is the founder of African Leadership, and at the time of the photo had recently moved its based of operations from Africa to Franklin, TN (near Nashville). He's the one who introduced Brentwood Baptist Church, to the ministry of Living Hope, in Cape Town, South Africa, about 5 years ago.

Meanwhile, I had moved to Nashville in September 2002, and joined BBC not long afterward. In September 2004, I was part of the first of several church-wide mission teams to go to South Africa to work with Living Hope.

And that's how I got my start in the long-distance relationship with the people across the ocean, traveling there, e-mailing, and generally yammering on about it. Like I'm doing now.

So, how's that for a "little did he know" (Stranger Than Fiction reference)...Hmmmm? OK, it's not like Larry's my long-lost twin, but still, given the number of people that were there and the small number of pics I took, that's a pretty "neato" coincidence.

As a bonus, one of my first jobs after moving to Nashville 3 years later was with the Grand Ole Opry, also owned by Gaylord and on the same property.

And I'm pretty sure that's not Condoleezza Rice to the far right...but THAT would be REALLY something, wouldn't it?

Patchwork boredom

Careful what you say to her, guys...or she'll be insisting you go with her to the National Quilt Museum as your penance.

A couple of friends of mine here in Nashville, one from Pennsylvania and the other from Maine, just got married in Hawaii; could be he was trying to make sure this place didn't end up on the honeymoon schedule.

For those of us who don't live anywhere near Massachusetts, this place makes a stay-cation seem like an even better idea.

Overheard during the tour:

"OK, honey, but next year we're going to the football AND baseball halls of fame!"

"Getting...so...sleepy...."

"No, it never would have occurred to me that Rubik's Cube would make such a natural quilt design. Never crossed my mind."

"What? All these quilts and no place to take a nap while my wife does the tour? Is there a breakroom at least? A snack machine?"

"So what kind of insecticide gets rid of those quilting bees? Heh heh. Get it?"

"I heard they were going to open a branch at Guantanamo Bay until the new restrictions on torture went into effect."

"And don't forget to visit our sister organization, the American Sheet and Pillowcase Institute, just up the road!"

(Feel free to pile on).

Guns don't kill people...but angry wives often do

Gun Scare Prank


Other than the obvious stupidity of startling someone who 1) is holding a potentially loaded weapon, 2) is a novice at using said weapon and 3) knows not only where you live but when you sleep...this is hilarious. Makes a man seriously consider getting married and buying a gun. I imagine it makes a woman consider staying single...and buying a gun.

Panic now, check the research later

In the "scientists apparently DON'T know everything after all" department:

Scientists split on risks of cell phones

Other health-related news: reading stories like this can lead to head injury...

This is one of those articles that seems to offer new information on a scientific subject, but upon reading further we find the original premise to be the disputed opinion of a minority of so-called experts who, in fact, have nothing more conclusive to offer than gems like "I don't know that cell phones are dangerous, but I don't know that they are safe."

The head injury risk is from the urge to beat one's head against the wall after reading such a story, realizing one is barely any better informed and that one will never get the minutes back that it took one to read it. Further research is needed to determine the extent of the head injury danger, however, as experts continue to debate.

Now you see him...

...and now you don't.

Shocking. One expects so much more in the way of photojournalistic ethics from a fine publication such as the Sun. Riiiiiiight. Or at least PhotoShop skills--note how dude's knee is still visible in the lower picture.

Some people should stick to crayons to illustrate their stories.

Verity...or Not Verity?

I was up very late last night (it was Saturday night and I'm single, so I'm allowed) and being the type of person who keeps the TV on more often than not (my degree was in Broadcasting, so I'm not just vegging...I'm supplementing my education), and a movie came on that I would normally not watch at all except my resistance to bad TV was pretty low at that point (you've been there, I know). It was called "Dolly Dearest"--sort of the Lifetime answer to the "Chucky" movies (which I've also sampled--see above reasons), with a cute little girl being controlled by a possessed and murderous doll. Silly, but it'll make you think twice before you put the name Bratz on the Christmas list (as if you didn't need to think twice about that already).

Anyway, the actress portraying the girl's mother was such the spitting image of my South African friend Verity, I just had to do a comparison.

So, from the collage above, see if you can:

a) name the actress from the movie.
b) tell which is Verity and which is said actress

One pic will be pretty obvious (hint: I've met Verity. And had my picture taken with her).

To save you the trouble of Googling (you knew you were going to), here's Verity's website and here's the website of the actress in the movie.

And here's the answer key (don't click until you give up guessing--this ain't exactly the SAT's, so go for it).

Fascinating, huh? There...now criticize ME for wasting time. HAH!

By the way, Verity was recently interviewed for a TV program in South Africa (no, I don't get that channel either but she did mention it); here's the transcript.

Terry and Carmen Thompson Benefit--How It Went

(See my handful of pics above or click to see them at your own pace)

(Click here to see and purchase Benjamin Gibbs’ many pics)

Every now and then something goes so much better than you pictured it, you have to reevaluate whether you're too pessimistic about other areas of life as well. That's how it was with the Terry and Carmen Thompson Benefit last week.

We had a great turnout, especially for a Tuesday night, and especially given the market. Nashville area residents tend to be a little jaded toward the nationally-known artists we get to see—often for free—at more benefits per capita per year than the average city of comparable size (or so it seems). We can't help it if we're spoiled.

When I arrived at the Factory in Franklin, I was immediately impressed by the scale of the event; a lot of work had been going on all day (while I was at work) as well as during the weeks leading up to it. A large platform was set up on one side of the room with tables full of items up for bid and people examining the stuff for sale. A large room in the back held tables of the usual party food (nearly always too much when you’re at the party, but you can’t eat enough because it is awkward to eat a lot at a party and you don’t want to look like a pig in front of people you might want to impress—or at least not disgust. So I seldom enjoy eating at a party).

The concert began with a video welcome by Joni Eareckson Tada, a renowned figure in evangelical Christian circles ever since her inspirational autobiographical book and subsequent film came out in the 70’s.

The music was top-notch, unsurprisingly. Many of the songs were familiar to the crowd with a few exceptions. Amy Grant was clearly aware of what the night was about, but her usual laid-back self. She remarked that “only in Nashville” could she get away with collaring a guitarist backstage to help out on an otherwise solo acoustic song at the last minute. Then she did a couple of her hits (“It takes a little time sometimes/To get your feet back on the ground”) with the band backing her up. They lost each other along the way on one song, but she laughed it off, they worked it out and got back on track. Not many artists of her fame and stature would even consider such a loose approach to a performance; Amy seems more aware than most of how little she has to lose at this point in her career. Definitely part of her charm.

Vocalist Michelle Prentice, the instigator of the whole affair, did an impressive operatic solo a cappella that made me realize I don’t hate ALL opera! Seriously, I really enjoyed it. But then, it didn't last for hours and I didn't have to dress up to listen to it, so....

After several more performances, including one by Terry Thompson himself with help from Carmen, and after a hefty sum of money had changed accounts from buyers to the benefit fund, Michelle called the planning committee on stage and led us in singing “You’ve Got a Friend” to (and with) Carmen. Cheesy, maybe, but sincere. (pictures here and here and here)

The results, in addition to all the new friendships formed and goodwill shared…we raised $40,000 for Terry and Carmen. We’re talking about next year’s benefit already (well, Michelle is, anyway). Should be even bigger and better. And next time, I eat beforehand.

Y'all fly with us agin soon!

I found this article, "Abandoned change adds up for TSA" in USA Today.* It says the Transportation Security Administration "has collected — and kept — more than $1 million in the past three years from airline passengers who forget coins at checkpoints." The top jackpot location was Los Angeles International Airport "...where passengers left behind $89,375 from Sept. 30, 2004 to Oct. 1, 2007...." And this was especially interesting to me: "The cash laggard: Chattanooga (Tenn.) Metropolitan Airport, whose 300,000 departing passengers in 2007 left just $1.20."

My analytical muscles started twitching, and my delight in seeing Chattanooga in non-crime-related national news and my desperate need to get laughs from theoretical total strangers (my readers) drove me to compose this explanation:

According to the stereotypes and popular misconceptions many people probably have about the city of my birth, there’s no change left at the Chattanooga airport because…
· We give it all to the guy doing shoe shines.
· The airport is practically empty; we all take the Choo Choo.
· After purchasing our tickets, we always have just enough change for the RC Cola and Moon Pie machine.
· Our beggars are very persuasive…bless their hearts.
· We put it all in them little binoc’lars on poles up ‘ar at Rock City. Looky, honey, I kin see the outhouse from hyear!
· If it ain’t Confederate money, what good is it anyway?
· We don’t use money; we prefer to trade via the barter system…’course, a fresh-killed hog don’t go near as far as it used to when a feller finds a gal he wants to git hitched to.
· Airport…whut’s ‘at?

In reality, there’s almost no change left at the Chattanooga airport because we natives throw coins at people who call it “Chatt-nooga” (like saying that one extra syllable would kill a person. Dang Yankees!).


*(via comic Suzy Soro's blog).

Macy the star

This is the little girl that those of us in my church singles group get to hear about from time to time (i.e., pretty much weekly) because her grandparents teach our class on Sunday mornings. Actually they show heroic restraint in the bragging department, and usually manage to work stories about Macy into the lesson of the day. Usually. Regardless, no one minds, because we know David and Beverly love us too. They just don't have room in their wallets to carry all our pictures. And it's not like any of US have budding careers as video actors or actresses. But I'm hoping Macy will put in a good word for me with Carrie Underwood.

The pic is a shot from the music video for "Beautiful Life" by Doc Walker, a Canadian country band clearly hoping to ride Macy's coattails to stardom as well. Get in line, guys.

Born Standing Up: A Comic's Life

I read a great book this weekend: Born Standing Up: A Comic's Life, by Steve Martin. Anyone who was even partially aware of the world in the 70's heard Steve Martin's absurd catch-phrases and one-liners more than once...quoted by friends, or from Martin himself on his live recordings, on TV (especially on SNL) or in person.

I've always been fascinated with the back-story of any cultural icon, and I appreciate unnecessarily-good writing, and Martin's book delivers on both counts. He shares some info about his early life, and focuses on the story of the progression of his entertainment career from selling programs at Disneyland to performing for tens of thousands of people in a night in venues all over the country, and for millions on the hottest shows on TV.

Between his vivid descriptions and deft phrasing and his quotes of his and others' material, I was alternately admiring his skill with words and laughing out loud (hope my apartment walls are as thick as they should be). But he is anything but flippant in sharing the deep emotional issues that accompanied his success, such as his father's mysterious antagonism toward him even in his moments of show business triumph. But this is not the whining of a spoiled rich guy; Martin's skill as a writer and willingness to be vulnerable make for a very redemptive reading experience, especially as he describes his final moments with each of his parents.

One thing about Martin's story was especially interesting to me, because it supports a theory of mine: during his collegiate studies in philosophy in which he and his friends had endless discussions that (according to the very philosophers under discussion) may have been pointless or even theoretically nonexistent or impossible, Martin decided comedy was a real and meaningful alternative and pursued that. There is something inherent in the act of creativity (and its subsequent presentation) that supports the meaning and value of life; it implies something beyond the immediately apparent world--a creator. Even when the content is at its most ungodly and vulgar, art implies a creator, and the artist is imitating the Creator (even if subconsciously), and is always on the verge of worship. (Martin's book is much funnier than this, trust me).

One of my favorite quotes from the book is a line Martin listed among those that eventually went the wayside as he became more popular:

"I've learned in comedy never to alienate the audience. Otherwise, I would be like Dimitri in La Condition Humaine."

Here's a long excerpt (note the page no.'s at the bottom; click these to advance).

Terry and Carmen Thompson benefit

My career as a volunteer publicist continues....

I'm excited to have joined the group of folks putting the Terry and Carmen Thompson Benefit together (I'm doing the easy stuff, really). Should be a great night; good things are already happening. Terry has been a friend for several years, and played the first of the short series of house concerts I hosted awhile back (when I lived in a house). He and his wife Carmen make a great team, and have clearly generated a great amount of goodwill in their lives...and it's coming back to them in a big way. Carmen has been in a wheelchair since being injured last year, and has been honest about the ups and downs of the process of recovery and adjustment. There've been plenty of each.

Some very cool items have been donated for the silent auction, and the talent for the concert will be, typical of Nashville, astounding. Read the full story here (Word doc).


YOU can be a volunteer publicist TOO! To help spread the word:

Here's a link to the flyer. (2.5 MB pdf)

Here's a link to the press release--no media pass required to read and share! (Word doc)

Here's a link to a .txt file you can paste into a myspace comment or bulletin or even your home page or blog.

Save to a location on your computer before opening:
...on a pc: Right-click the link and "Save Target As..."
...on a Mac: Cntrl-click the link and "Download Linked File As..."
OR
Simply click link to open, then save to your computer (if you're asked for a password, click "cancel" and proceed--no tight security here). Not as reliable as the first option above.


* * *
See the followup post on how it went here. --MKH, July 3

Funny Girl (move over, Barbra)

Photo by Brent Humphreys/Redux,
for The New York Times

I just got around to reading this article in the New York Times Magazine, and I'm impressed all over again with comic Anita Renfroe. The reporter did a great job (with one possible exception, noted below) and Anita really shines in the interview. I'm glad to call her a friend (i.e. someone I knew before she was so famous and who still responds to pretty much all of my e-mails), and equally glad to call her my hero (one of 'em, anyway).

You may know her as the woman in the YouTube video doing the song ("Momsense") based on everything your mother told you and set to the tune of "The William Tell Overture." Which landed her a spot on Good Morning America, and maybe a regular network gig or two. I prefer to remember her as the wise and discerning woman who liked my song when I entered a songwriting contest at the Babbie Mason Music Conference about 10 years ago. You tend to stick with folks like that.

That said, I was a little shocked when I read this part of the article:
"She is round and soft, loves butter, carbs and sugar and worries routinely about her weight." Yep, she worries...nearly any woman would, especially when otherwise sharp reporters describe her as "round and soft." I checked--this was not Anita's line (apparently the reporter was caught up in the spirit of Anita's self-deprecating humor; it happens). For the record, Anita is not round--not even in cross-section. Oval or elliptical, maybe. But as you can see, she's a beauty, and no Lulu Roman by a long shot. Anyway, she's married already, so what difference does it make? (Huh? What? Did I say something wrong? Please. I can make jokes too, y'know. Where're you going, ladies?).

Col. Albert G. Kelly, 1892-1944

(Click to see larger pics at your own pace)

My great uncle, Col. Albert G. Kelly ("Al" to friends and family), was Chief of Staff of the 9th Armored Division from its activation in 1942 until his death in 1944. In my ongoing research of my family history (I've got the bug), I was struck by the irony and poignancy of his story, at least what I've gleaned from a few letters, newspaper clippings and pictures left by his little sister, my grandmother Harriet Raulston Kelly Vaught. She had my mother late in life so the generations go back a ways (just clarifying I'm not quite as old as the relation might imply).

After a career in the U.S. Army beginning in WWI, Uncle Albert's life ended--not in battle...not in a P.O.W. camp...but in his bed. According to his general in a letter to his mom (notice you can use the magnifying glass on the upper right of the linked page to zoom in to the graphic), Albert caught a cold during the trip to to England, and it got worse and worse until it brought on a heart attack on Sept. 19. This was just before his men joined the invasion of Europe, distinguishing themselves quite well, and just before he received an apparently-immminent promotion to Brigadier General. Kind of like Moses, in a way; led his people to the threshold, and could not cross over himself. Moses' sin kept him from progressing; can't say the same about my uncle, but he was a smoker, so in Baptist terms, the analogy is a sound one.

I'm sure Uncle Albert would've been disappointed and possibly ticked off had he known his fate beforehand. (Are you humming that Paul McCartney song yet?). But his contribution to the Allied victory was no less significant, in my eyes or (I'm sure) in the judgment of history (the collective body of knowledge of the past, not the TV channel--though they'd probably agree as well). I admit I'm not the most upfront, gung-ho, bumper-sticker-sporting cheerleader for our military, but I very much appreciate those guys and gals and the job they do, and I'm especially happy to share a name with this guy.

Julie Forester at the FQ

I hear Julie has been practicing her "ah-EEE"'s and singing with a Cajun accent for her performance with her band at the French Quarter in Nashville tonight. We'll see if it pays off. Either way, you're sure to have a good time (unless you happen to be a shrimp). And she's definitely easier to look at than Jimmy C. Newman.*

Just click the poster on the left (don't worry, there's more where that link takes you) and listen for yourself.

See you at 6:30.

*(that's an Opry reference, folks; try to keep up).

The dreaded answering machine

This is one of the most painfully hilarious scenes ever put on film. A guy calls a woman he's met earlier that evening (thus breaking the much-discussed standard "two day rule," so he's already living dangerously)...and overthinking sets in.

This clip helps answer a question women so often ask ("why don't men call?") and one that most of my friends and family are too polite (or afraid) to ask me ("why is a great catch like you still single?")*.

*(Except, in my case, for the "six-year relationship" part).

Dottie Rambo: "Sheltered" for eternity

photo courtesy of
Aaron Crisler | The Judy Nelon Group

A very sweet, humorous and godly woman reached her final destination early Sunday morning. Dottie Rambo was an amazingly prolific songwriter whose work was recorded by Elvis...well, you could stop right there, but also Dolly Parton, Whitney Houston, Porter Wagoner and countless others, including her own family gospel group. She was killed in a bus crash during high winds on the way to a gig in Texas, and her fellow passengers were injured.

I cannot claim to be as aware of her as some can, but in the last few years I did grow to have great respect and affection for her. Some of her songs, such as "We Shall Behold Him" and "Behold the Lamb," were favorites of the church choir I sang with in college.

I saw her in person a couple of times here in Nashville. One was at an NSAI Christian writers' retreat, where she cracked everyone up with her commentary between songs as she performed in the round for the attendees. The other was when she was the featured speaker at a very recent NSAI Christian workshop (a monthly meeting). A relative handful of us listened in rapt attention as she shared about her life, sang her songs (inviting us to join her, which we did) and, after the "official" webcast interview was done, took questions. I asked her to share a story from her years of traveling with her group (one that wouldn't damage any reputations or endanger any careers!). Life on the bus is a staple of Southern Gospel life (as are the resulting stories), so it's only fitting, in a way, that she would go out the way she did.

She told how she was the first one awake one morning and got the bus driver to bring her a large dead rattlesnake they saw in the road. She hid it under her armrest and after her groggy traveling companions were up and milling around, she screamed and tossed the snake at them. She said they spoke in many tongues, but not the kind you'd hear at church! (Actually I can't remember her exact final line, but that was the gist of it--call it the "writer's embellished version"). She was, in a word, a hoot.

She had said she was working on a book about her life; I hope she had enough done for her people to release it. She had achieved much, and suffered much; she had quite a story to tell, and was old enough not to have to be so careful how she told it. I look forward to hearing more from her one of these days, one way or another. I expect to laugh. Loudly. And often.

Power brokers pow-wow on power usage

The vacuum in my schedule continues to suck in all sorts of ways to waste time. So what's one more?

From the Tennessean:

"Prominent activist Robert Kennedy Jr. spoke to music industry leaders at the home of Emmylou Harris on Tuesday night about the growing environmental crises....

He was part of the Natural Resources Defense Council's gathering that attracted Sheryl Crow, Kathy Mattea, Big Kenny and Christiev Alphin, Matraca Berg and Jeff Hanna, J.D. Souther and Mayor Karl Dean and Anne Davis. Warner Bros.' John Esposito and Bill Bennett attended, as well as power managers Gary Borman and Ken Levitan.

NRDC's Allen Hershkowitz, who also spoke, said the music industry is progressive and has historically aligned itself with meaningful causes such as civil rights, peace and gender equality. So we wanted to identify and inform these leaders in the music industry about the liability that they unknowingly may be imposing on future generations by buying power to record and market their records from utilities using mountaintop-mined coal."

On the positive side, it's nice to see the political power of music recognized, and harnessed for an apparently good cause. If you think about it, the top is the best part of the mountain! But obviously the real agenda of the meeting was to get the music industry to help spread the message, maybe by putting out songs to move providers to stop destroying mountains to get coal. Fair enough, although it would've been nice if they'd been a little more up front with their aims. Surely they don't expect the music industry to use less power...I can see the results now:

Comments heard in the studio:

• "OK, we've used up all our non-mountaintop coal power allotment. Everybody take five while we plug the equipment into the alternate source for this last song. Cooter, put down that fiddle and jump on the bike; at least we know you can PEDAL on key!"

• "Billy Bob, they I see that methane is one of the approved low-impact energy sources. I told you that third helping of beans at lunch was a good idear!"

• "I heard Big Kenny's next single is gonna be called "Save A Mountaintop, Record An EP."

• "And Natalie Maines is doing a new version of the classic 'I'm Just An Old Chunk of Coal.' It's called 'I'm Just A Big Bag Of Wind.'"

And from Music Row magazine: "Industry sources are flocking to release new product on a new, mountaintop-friendly media: mp3's are quickly being replaced by wax cylinders, recorded on a hand-cranked machine. They're a little bulky, but they're nearly impossible to download illegally. Many listeners prefer the new media over the polished digital sound, especially for the 'pitchy' effect on vocals. 'It's just like hearing them sing live!' said one fan."


I know I'm missing an obvious "Coal Miner's Daughter" joke. Anyone? Feel free to pile on the silly sarcasm train.

Why I'm a dog person

In case you needed a pep talk today

Coach McGuirk is my favorite character on what is possibly my favorite show on TV, "Home Movies" (4-6 times a week--this is cable, folks). Adult Swim on the Cartoon Network at night, has some really good stuff, some really strange stuff, some really offensive stuff, and some stuff that is a combination of all the above. "Home Movies" is one of the more normal shows, about an 8-yr-old aspiring filmmaker...sort of the Woody Allen of the sandbox set (yes, they're too old for sandboxes, but they're cool with it).

Here's the followup "twist" to the story (SPOILER ALERT...like it makes a difference).

And in case the pep talk hasn't worked and things don't go so well, you may need to apply the "Slaughter Rule" (something of which I'm sure all coaches are aware).

Idiomatic Responses

The story that accompanied this list of “creative” approaches to time-worn phrases says that a first-grade schoolteacher presented each of her twenty-six students the first half of a well-known proverb, and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. Whether you choose to believe that actually happened or not depends on how much faith you place in e-mail forwards. But it’s funny stuff, regardless.


1. Don't change horses...
until they stop running.
2. Strike while the...
bug is close.
3. It's always darkest before...
Daylight Saving Time.
4. Never underestimate the power of...
termites.
5. You can lead a horse to water but...
how?
6. Don't bite the hand that...
looks dirty.
7. No news is...
impossible.
8. A miss is as good as a...
Mr.
9. You can't teach an old dog new...
math.
10. If you lie down with dogs, you'll...
stink in the morning.
11. Love all, trust...
me.
12. The pen is mightier than the...
pigs.
13. An idle mind is...
the best way to relax.
14. Where there's smoke there's...
pollution.
15. Happy the bride who...
gets all the presents.
16. A penny saved is...
not much.
17. Two's company, three's...
the Musketeers.
18. Don't put off till tomorrow what...
you put on to go to bed.
19. Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and...
you have to blow your nose.
20. There are none so blind as...
Stevie Wonder.
21. Children should be seen and not...
spanked or grounded.
22. If at first you don't succeed...
get new batteries.
23. You get out of something only what you...
see in the picture on the box
24. When the blind lead the blind...
get out of the way.
25. A bird in the hand...
is going to poop on you.
26. Better late than...
pregnant.

Mike Roe & co. rock the house

...And by "house" I mean an actual house, where people live, eat, sleep, watch TV, etc.

This past Sunday saw a gathering of phenomenal talents and those of us who've enjoyed them for--in some cases--decades. This was a house concert featuring Mike Roe of the 77's, a band that has been around, in one configuration of the other, since the late 70's. Possibly since 1977? Just a guess. Their first album was one my earliest purchases of what was termed "Christian rock" and later "Christian alternative" and now, well, whatever you call it, they're not likely to have it at the Wal-Mart. The album was called Ping Pong Over the Abyss (an inside recording engineer's joke with apocalyptic connotations--again, a guess, but this time a better-educated one). It showed a number of influences including Led Zeppelin, the Rolling Stones, Bruce Springsteen, and the punk bands of the time that I mostly ignored except when they were on Saturday Night Live. The 77's incorporated all those styles and more into their own and only improved from there.

The concert was a preview of the forthcoming 77's album, featuring some very old songs in the gospel blues vein, given a respectful rock 'n' roll treatment without losing the dignity or power of the original message. It also featured our hosts, still in cultural transition from their former home of Chicago, performing as The Wayside as opening act.

As a bonus, some of the key figures from other bands that shared the small but intense spotlight with the 77's during the 80's shared the--uh, dining room with Mike: Jimmy A of Vector, Steve Hindalong of the Choir, Phil Madeira of--well, lots of things--and Matt Slocum of Sixpence None the Richer (Matt actually bowed his cello in the kitchen due to space restrictions). Really a cool day.

Mike joked that whenever he finds himself in the "throes of despair" on any given Sunday afternoon at home in Southern California, he cheers himself up by imagining that folks in Nashville are getting together to play the old songs, just like he was doing that day. It doesn't happen as often as I'd like (as far as I know). But at least this day the fantasy was a reality.

Go to the 77's myspace for some samples of past glory, and the official 77's site for everything else. And don't forget to wipe your feet; you weren't raised in a barn.

What is reality, after all?

In today's Tennessean celebrity column, Beverly Keel posed a question:

This is interesting: I was forwarded an e-mail from a casting agency that's holding an urgent casting call for an unsigned male country singer between 16 and 23 with teen heartthrob good looks. 'Think a country music Zac Ephron or young Brad Pitt.'

The e-mail says it's for immediate inclusion in the cast of NBC's Nashville Star. Didn't they find enough talent in their national search that attracted more than 25,000? Is it fair to bring in a "ringer"?

I thought it worth a response, reprinted here for your reading pleasure (or whatever):

In the contestant's application, it says:
"Contestants will be selected by Producer from the events, videotape submissions and other ways as Producer may determine in its sole discretion."

That means "Nashville Star" producers can pick contestants any way they want to, and can ignore any or all of the people discovered in the audition process. Not saying they will, just that they could.

But for what it's worth, at least one reality show does not draw its talent from the undiscovered masses as one would assume. Those who audition for "Last Comic Standing" watch comics being ushered past the line into the clubs, while they compete for attention with overworked production assistants. Most or all the contestants who make the show are professionals and many or all have pre-existing management deals with the producers. The other comics in the audition clips--all those wannabes who are not funny or downright delusional (my favorite part of any of these shows)--never have a chance. This is all within the rules of the show. Some may remember when Drew Carey stalked out after the guest judges' decision was overruled by the producers' because he had thought his vote mattered.

"American Idol" has been accused of doing the same thing, based on the previous industry experience (incl. record deals, common songwriters for past material, etc.) of many of the recent contestants, but I've never seen proof that they didn't have to pass the open-call auditions. As far as I know, the only advantage they have is the talent and knowledge an inexperienced amateur wouldn't have. As far as I know.

"Gone Country" would be an example of even the final results being at the total discretion of the producers. John Rich ticked off a lot of viewers by choosing Julio Iglesias, Jr. over Diana DeGarmo, because the assumption was that he was looking for someone who would be likely to be successful in the current U.S. country music market. Our mistake. Oh well.

Bottom line: The "reality" in reality TV contest shows is that they're entertainment, not the electoral process. The resemblance to real life is coincidental. Whether it's fair...like many things, I guess it depends on which side of the velvet rope you find yourself.

Have mercy

(BEFORE YOU CLICK: Be aware that the website takes time to load, then music comes on automatically)

I'm looking forward to taking part in some of the 25th anniversary celebration of Mercy Ministries next weekend. I've been moderately aware of this organization for a while, but was touched when I heard its founder and president, Nancy Alcorn, on the radio the other day. I was already considering attending the men's breakfast, and now it's a plan.

One of the points Nancy made was that without any spiritual element, rehab is useless and temporary, as she learned in her years of working in government programs, and seeing girls return to their old ways not long after finishing their time with her. Sometimes you just gotta preach if you want the message to stick. I can think of a few people in Hollywood that could stand to hear it.

Here's a link to a pdf flyer so you can download, print & share:
http://mercy25th.com/shared/docs/flyer.pdf

THE SCHEDULE:

Thursday, April 17th:
Gala reception and dinner at Titans Stadium
Masters of Ceremonies include Kevin Mawae of the Tennessee Titans and Shelly Breen of Point of Grace. Special guest appearance by Niki Taylor, international supermodel. Special music by CeCe Winans. Special message from Nancy Alcorn, Founder and President of Mercy Ministries.

Friday, April 18th:
Concert at Belmont University
Featuring Mandisa, CeCe Winans, BarlowGirl, Israel Houghton and New Breed, Natalie Grant, and Point of Grace.

Saturday, April 19th:
Men's Breakfast
9 a.m., Loews Vanderbilt, West End Ave.
Featuring author and speaker Ken Mansfield, former manager of the Beatles' Apple Records and best-selling author of The White Book: The Beatles, the Bands, the Biz: An Insider's Look at an Era. Ken will be showing an exclusive behind-the-scene film of himself and the Beatles. For more on Ken, check out www.fabwhitebook.com. Special Music: Performances by CCM "pioneer" Randy Stonehill and virtuoso guitarist, Phil Keaggy.

Also Saturday, April 19:
"Celebrate Mercy" Women's Conference
9:30 a.m. - 9:30 p.m., Belmont University
Featured speakers include Mercy Ministries international founder, Nancy Alcorn, speaker and author Charlotte Scanlon-Gambill, former actress and best-selling author, Holly Wagner, internationally known speaker and author, Christine Caine, and motivational speaker, Priscilla Shirer. Worship will be led by Israel Houghton and New Breed and special music provided by Natalie Grant.

Ben Stein goes back to class

I'm looking forward to seeing this film. Not because I'm a fire-breathing proponent of any scientific theory, able to quote examples in detail and argue in-depth on the subject of the origins of humankind. Science is not my first subject, and I haven't formally studied anything evolution-related since junior high school. But I did study, and did OK. And I've watched a lot of PBS since then, and listened to discussions here and there on Christian radio. Most importantly, I learned how to think, and I'm aware of the importance of integrating my faith into my "real life"--and ongoing process.

In addition to a passing interest in science, I have a fascination with human nature, and how truth is communicated and propagated in a fallen world, or in some cases denied and squelched. Every believer has a responsibility to "be prepared to give an answer" when possible, and science is some people's way of pursuing God, though they may not be aware of it at the time. So it's important to keep the way as clear of obstructions as possible, for my own sake as much as anyone's.

What I'm interested in seeing in this film is its intended portrayal of how the human nature of scientists and educators has led them to resist opposition to alternate lines of scientific inquiry, thereby contradicting the principles of freedom of thought they would verbally support and inflicting the same persecution they've taken centuries to overcome. This contradiction is not unrelated to the trend of lawsuits against religious expression in the public square (such as on school grounds) in the name of civil liberty and "tolerance" (as opposed to, gee, I don't know, letting everyone say what they think and dealing with it).

I've thought for some time that evolution as an explanation for our origins has taken on mythical properties, where new evidence is interpreted to fit the theory rather than the theory adapted to fit the evidence. Which would make scientific community the priesthood of the religion of rationalism in which we ostensibly put our trust. But really, among the masses even that religion is merging with the mysticism of New Age thought and superstition, to form a pseudo-scientific viewpoint evidenced, in my mind, by sales of "The Secret" as well as the popularity of "The DaVinci Code" and that ghost-hunting show on TV.

Warning: Fairly obvious "Ferris Buehler" reference ahead

I gather the film takes a sort of Michael Moore approach, using satire and humor but with more class and less deception. I'm sure Ben Stein would not tolerate (oops, that word again) anything less than an aboveboard treatment of its subject. Though apparently he was game for anything on the advertising, given the short pants. Maybe someone could offer some fashion advice for the premiere...? Anyone? Anyone?

Tour guide to the tour guides

Click this pic to see more

This weekend I had the pleasure of playing tour guide at the Opry for some friends from South Africa. Mike M. & Mike J. of African Encounter put together visits for individuals and mission groups, including drives through the game parks. They, along with Mike M.'s wife Meg, are in the U.S. visiting with various groups that have used or plan to use their services, and were part of the Living Hope Partners Conference hosted by my church last week.

Several of us American ministry partners who had been to Africa were eager to get our friends to the Opry, especially since a couple of them were on their first visit to the U.S. Fortunately one of the Living Hope partners was already on it; she's a former Opry staff member who attended the conference and plans to go back to Africa. I was the only one available to go to the show, and was thrilled at the chance to show our guests around. Almost redeemed all those times I had to clean up after audiences between shows (wearing a vest and tie) during my few years as an Opry usher. Almost.

Our "tourist" friends enjoyed the visit, even though they'd never heard of the stars they were meeting, including Jimmy C. Newman and Mel Tillis. (In all fairness, the same would be true for most people, regardless of national origin). The only song we heard that was familiar to them (other than snippets of hymns in a Bill Anderson song) was "The Devil Went Down To Georgia" by the Charlie Daniels Band. Simply put, the CDB tore the place apart. Definitely the highlight of the evening for all of us.

I especially enjoyed the "turnabout" aspect of the evening. In Africa, these guys take people to gawk at wild animals in their natural habitat, and I showed them country musicians backstage. The similarities are almost too obvious to mention.

I wasn't in full photog mode, but took a few shots. See the pics and read the captions for the rest of the story here.

Like Waffles and Spaghetti

This is a pretty good article from a book on the differences between men and women. No, not THOSE differences...it touches on personality, communication style, perception and even brain functions. Probably not news to some, but worth a review anyway, especially to anyone in a relationship or hoping to eventually be in a relationship or trying to figure out what happened to the relationship they used to be in. And it's entertaining.


Caution: once you've read this, don't get the idea you actually understand the opposite sex. I take it as more of a reminder to be patient with each other when things other people do don't make sense. It's easier than going through life thinking half the population is nuts (as tempting as it may be to draw that conclusion).

Benefit for tornado victims March 9

Here's another event for a worthy cause. Fellowship Bible Church is just around the corner from the "campus" of my own church.


You'll be glad you said "si" to this invitation.

Must have been tough to wrap these toys

Obligatory occasional shot of cute kids who are related to me. This is Kennedy and Tristan, my niece's kids, on a visit to the airport. Not sure what the story is (not that it matters much). It might have been part of Tristan's birthday celebration. I just wanted to offer proof of how good looks run in the family.

An unfortunate series of headlines

From today's online Tennessean.

Glad I'm not Foster of Vanderbilt today.

Not to mention, the tenses in the top one don't seem right; they seem to imply the officer is claiming the husband has a very bad habit. Fortunately no one expects a newspaper to be concerned with proper grammar. Right?

Songs for Sudan: the pics

(Click either bottom corner, then "Songs for Sudan" to see larger pics)

Despite the snowy night (which most Northerners would not have noticed, but we're not in the North, are we?), we had a great night of music for a good cause at the Belcourt. There was a "real" photographer there, so I just snapped a few shots of my own without going into full art mode (not that there's all that much difference). A good time was had by all.

One Day: A Benefit

"One Day" can change a life. In this case, hopefully many. A benefit for tornado victims featuring Vince Gill, Amy Grant, Tommy Sims and Sammy Sylvester. Sunday, March 2, 6 pm. Liberty Hall in the Factory at Franklin, 230 Franklin Road, Franklin, Tennessee. Admission is a food box of non-perishable items or a gift card.

This one should be packed. That's seldom a sure thing in the Nashville area, but I'm gettin' there early just in case.

* * * * * * * * * *
The concert was great. Here are a few pics of how it looked.
MKH--posted March 6

Larry Norman did say he was only visiting

...and now he's gone home. The artist I think of as the "grandfather" of contemporary Christian music, Larry Norman, has passed away. He was one of the most prominent voices--if not THE most prominent voice--in the so-called "Jesus Movement" of the late 60's. You could say it was a reaction to the hippie movement; the latter promised universal love, peace and happiness, but for many it seldom delivered, especially in the long-term. It was the house built on sand, as contrasted with the one built on the Solid Rock that gave Norman's label a name and a purpose.

The "Jesus People" seemed most visible in the countercultural center of the universe, namely California, but thanks to musicians like Larry Norman (and church members and leaders who were able to look past outer appearances to see the inner passion for reality and truth), the movement spread. Contemporary Christian music became its own genre, and eventually an industry. Norman had as much skepticism toward that as he had toward the unbelieving world and remained a "voice in the wilderness" to a certain extent all his life. The world can always use more of his original thinking and visionary perspective, now more than ever.

He was an example to me of why it's more important to be true to yourself (even if it causes friction at times) than to conform to what others tell you to be. I don't doubt he got plenty of advice that would've made him fit into the system better...and that would have rendered him utterly forgettable as well. I gather he was easier to admire from afar than to love up close, but then, who isn't?

Here are some articles followed by samples of his work:

Wittenburg Door interview with Larry from 1976 (A MUST-READ):
"This World Is Not My Home"

John Fischer's tribute:
"The Prophet Was Ready"

From Entertainment Weekly:
Remembering Christian rock maverick Larry Norman

From Christianity Today:
Larry Norman, 'Father of Christian Rock,' Dies at 60

Steve Camp's tribute:
"Larry Norman: Home with the Lord"


VIDEOS:


(Click arrow to play video, click screen to open new window)
"Why Don't You Look Into Jesus" (inspired when he shared a bill with Janis Joplin)

"Put Your Life In Jesus' Nail-Scarred Hands" (the coolest invitation song ever)

"Only Visiting This Planet" and "God Part II" (live w/ Mike Roe. Later in life, his energy fading but far from gone)

"The Outlaw" live

"I Wish We'd All Been Ready" (this song and the images put to it may seem cheesy, but it's hard to explain the impact it had on a generation long before the "Left Behind" series was written).

"I Love You" (his first hit song with People, from his early pre-CCM days; I had never heard this before finding it today)

Mosaic: a picture of Amy

I read Amy Grant's collection of memories, thoughts, anecdotes, musings, etc. (whatever you wanna call 'em) this past week. The book is called Mosaic: Pieces of My Life So Far. A mosaic is a collection of bits and pieces which, when assembled by an artist, form a cohesive image. Apt title. Each chapter is tied to a lyric or poem or two that Amy has either written or made her own, and can be read in pretty much any order. But as a whole the book offers a self-portrait of not only the star-studded experiences she's had over the years, but also her inner life as a music artist, a wife, a mother, a sister and granddaughter. Not a comprehensive picture, but the details that are there are striking and memorable.

She shares some funny stories and some very touching ones, and addresses the struggles of her family life and the fallout from her divorce, along with the joy she's found along the way. She doesn't offer any new details to satisfy the persistent gossip-monger in all of us (c'mon, admit it), in defense of innocence or confession of guilt, concerning the uncomfortable details of her very public "private life." She's clearly beyond that (a good example for us all), though she recognizes the long-term impact of all her choices, some good, some not so good (as with all of us). I suppose she's realized some people will never accept her and some never rejected her, and she hasn't made it her business to maintain her image for any of them. [This is confirmed in this interview and in this one]. So I figured out pretty quickly I wouldn't be needing my gavel and robe after all. Oh well, it isn't that long until Halloween.

Given the obviously tender heart she has always had (judging from her music and from everyone I've ever spoken to who had met her), I imagine she's suffered wounds that are so deep and life-threatening it was obvious she could find healing only in the depth of heavenly grace. Even when our wounds are self-inflicted (as some of hers possibly were, like many of ours), those wounds are just as real--maybe even more painful. No doubt she's also found that the only proper response to the comments that still continue to pop up (on comments by the readers of the online Tennessean, for example) is the same grace that has sustained her.

Some might dismiss her as the "poor little rich girl" and find it hard to sympathize. As I discovered, her great-grandfather helped start Life & Casualty Insurance Co., and owned (and donated) much of the now-pricey land in Green Hills, whereas my grandfather and father both sold policies for L & C in North Georgia & East Tennessee (so we both have claim to helping build that landmark tower downtown, in a way). Other people suffer much of the same trials and still have to worry how to pay the bills. Still, suffering is suffering, and (so I hear) money doesn't help much in the midst of most problems.

The book brought up a lot of memories, some good, some not so much, from my "prime" days as a fan. Though I eventually lost that initial enthusiasm for her music over the years as I usually do with most artists, her Age To Age album was the soundtrack to my freshman year in college, and that music brings back the faces, the dreams and the idealism of a less-complicated time in my life. On the down side, witnessing someone roughly my age fondly recalling experiences I have yet to accomplish--marriage, children, career, etc.--is tough, as my choices seem fewer and time less a friend. As I read, my mood hovered in the melancholy range, from a healthy contemplative state to downright depression (she had advice for that, too: taking a brisk walk, for starters). But the core of faith that becomes evident throughout the book is something that I could relate to and I drew strength from both her faith and mine, just like in the "old days." The song that says "in a little while we'll be with the Father" has never been more true or hope-inspiring for me than it is now.

Being Lincoln

I had the privilege of getting an early look at a film called Being Lincoln; Men With Hats. My high school friend Elvis Wilson, now an art director in Nashville, made the documentary with his wife about the men who make a living or at least a hobby of taking on the persona of Abraham Lincoln. The ones who are serious about it (and some are dead serious...so to speak) call themselves "presenters" as opposed to "impersonators." They not only look and dress like Honest Abe, but also tell his story and share who he was, as a political figure, a father, a husband, a man of faith. Given the pivotal role he played during a crucial time for our country and of our world, they give us an enlightening glimpse of our history and ourselves.

I couldn't resist getting my picture made with a president, never mind he's dead (this is live presenter Dennis Boggs). I did some magic to put us in a more appropriate setting. Click for more pics.

Which is not to imply the film is a history lecture; far from it. It's a fairly lighthearted glimpse into the lives of the presenters, covering several aspects of their unusual profession, why they do it, how they do it, and how people react to them (mostly favorably, but not in every case, according to several). Interviews and commentary are mixed in with footage that includes a lookalike contest, school presentation, and the preparation process. We follow one presenter in a stroll down Broadway in Nashville, stopping in to various honky tonks for a handshake, a warning about going to the "theater," and a dance. Those of us watching it in the Fort Negley Visitors Center theater laughed out loud at several places.

At the same time, the human stories played across the screen were often moving and inspiring. Their passion for history and the interest in the life of one of our most famous--and most controversial--leaders was contagious.

Also attending the preview were three local Lincoln presenters. They participated with the filmmakers in a lively question and answer period after the film, fielding inquiries about Lincoln and about their own interest in portraying him.

After a few tweaks here and there are completed, I fully expect to see this film on PBS, and not just locally. It's that good, and it's that interesting. Elvis also hopes to get distribution in theaters as an indie film. There's no such thing as too many connections, so if you know anyone that can help, let me know, or contact Elvis via the website. And I don't be surprised if he's less than impressed with any John Wilkes Booth jokes you might come up with; apparently he's heard a few already. I'm open, though; take your best shot.

Songs for Sudan Feb. 26

Guys, in case your Valentine’s Day effort (assuming you made one) doesn’t match up to her expectations (or she threatens that restraining order again), here’s a great backup plan to make it all right again:

Bring her to the Belcourt on Feb. 26 (or send her with her friends so they can really vent their frustrations about you and all men) to the "Songs for Sudan" benefit. Music has healing properties, as we all know, and it seems this is especially true for piano music, which will share more of the spotlight with the guitar than it usually does at the typical Nashville event. Sure it’s not great for sub-window serenading, but nothing sets the mood for romance like an expert tickling of the ivories. And even if that Hallmark-invented holiday that creates fear and dread for many and probably shakes up more relationships than it solidifies (not that I’m bitter) doesn’t go well, it never hurts to bank a little goodwill for the future; you may need it more than you think.

ANYWAY, whatever effect the music may have on your love life, this concert could make a long-term impact on lives in a part of the world that could use some real love. Aid Sudan will use the proceeds (minus the required buck-fifty to help keep the lights on at the host venue) to help build schools and train teachers in the troubled southern region of Sudan. And that’s the kind of gift that is worth giving all year round.

Scheduled to perform:
Suzy Bogguss is a multi-platinum recording artist whose vocal talents have won the appreciation of critics as well as commercial success in a variety of styles including country and jazz. Her versatility and musically adventurous nature is reflected on her new album, Sweet Danger.

John Barlow Jarvis is a Grammy-winning pianist/songwriter who has written hits for groups like the Judds, including “Love Can Build a Bridge.” Jarvis is one of the most prolific, prominently-featured pianists in the modern era of Nashville recording.

Will Kimbrough is a guitarist, producer, and creator of timeless songs in both pop motifs and dusty Americana. He is a sought-after sideman, playing for Jimmy Buffett (who recorded Will’s “Piece of Work” on his License to Chill album), Rodney Crowell, Todd Snider, Kim Richey, Josh Rouse, and more.

Steve Leslie is a songwriter and guitarist whose songs have been recorded by George Strait, Darryl Worley, and others.

Will Barrow, also a Grammy recipient, is a pianist and songwriter who has worked in the studio and on stage with a list of artists including Suzy Bogguss, Ronnie Laws, Rosie Flores, and Vickie Sue Robinson.

David Crossman is an award-winning composer and Christian recording artist. He has shared his music in the many places around the world where his volunteer work has taken him.

One Flew South is a recently-signed male vocal trio that is produced by Grammy-winning producer/writer Marcus Hummon.


As always, YOU CAN HELP by spreading the word:

Read the full news release:
Suzy Bogguss joins other Nashville talents to offer “Songs for Sudan”
Right-click or Cntrl-click above and "save as..." to download document; if you're asked for a password, click "cancel"

Print out a flyer for your office, church, classroom, etc.:
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.5 MB pdf or 1 MB jpeg

AND/OR

Paste the flyer into myspace or your blog:
1. Right-click or Cntrl-click here and "save as..." to download document (Make sure "Save as type" is "All Files" and the filename ends in .txt, not html)
...OR just e-mail me and I'll send it to you
2. Copy-paste into your myspace page, or a comment or bulletin, or your blog (see mine for a sample of what you get)

That's cold

I sent this "killer" comedy material to the local country station but I doubt they'll use it...and I just couldn't keep 'em to myself now, could I?


Young TV star Luke Benward, guest-reporting from the annual Country in the Rockies event (which involved country artists skiing, doing music, etc. raising money for charity) in the entertainment column of the Tennessean:

"We raised over $30,000 at Cocoa for the Cure, sponsored by Dunkin' Donuts. There were 20 other kids that helped us sell cocoa and coffee at the base of the mountain."

Benward didn't mention the main reason he made so much money: the rich celebrity customers didn't listen past the first part of his sales pitch. They misheard "cocoa" and thought he was selling something else. (They were disappointed to find out that was only sugar on those donuts).

Also, this story proves that, as any good commercial real estate broker will tell you, the three most important features of a business property are "location, location, location"! And if your business involves sellling hot beverages for charity, it helps if your location is wall-to-wall with wealthy celebrities who are freezing their butts off.



I can hear my dad now (as he shook his head): "Ten thousand comedians out of work and YOU'RE telling jokes!" But he would only say this after laughing at what I said. So blame him.